18-Apr

Today I want to experiment. Today I will flow. I will face this blank page and trust. And even enjoy the journey. This is a relatively new thing for me. I normally feel a discomfort, reflect on it, plan how to change things, and execute the change. At least I generally know where I am going. And it works – I get things done, I get rid of things I no longer need, I keep walking. Hey, it feels good to accomplish! And I can now look back on my life and see how my life has changed, how I have evolved into someone that makes more sense to me.

 

Recently however, and especially since deepening my practice of Zen Coaching, I have been opening a door to a place I normally thought, not without a twinge of nostalgia, was reserved ‘for others’, those who seemed to live at ease with the world. It is the place where things arise and work themselves through on their own, the place of connection with something larger than the mind, beyond what is predictable. A place where, leaving all usual reference points behind, and with a sense of adventure and curiosity, we can simply embrace all that comes our way and marvel at what truth has to show us. I guess you can say it is a place of pure trust, of surprises, of being – with no judgments or thoughts about what arises at every moment. But why would I want to go to such a place, when I have to willingly leave all I know at the door, including my well-relied on mind, and simply trust, even willingly embrace? I am not used to trusting. I am not used to accepting without a ready-made opinion to go with it.

 

And yet there is something so seductive about that place. Pleasure, the ‘little’ kind of transient joy, is elusive. Yes, it can add a more positive tone to my day, it can contribute to me feeling good, today. But it doesn’t change me. Going on a journey of being does change me. There is a kind of magic in it. There is a deep relaxation that comes with sinking into being. And yet it is dynamic and powerful – there is a very tangible energy that takes hold, filling us with life. It is being in action. It also gives our minds a rest.

 

There is a reason why that place feels so good to the soul. It must be where real joy is. The kind of joy that anchors our souls deeper into our bodies and minds is pure unadulterated presence.

 

This is an experiment in living differently. I don’t need to feel nostalgia anymore. That place is also for me. I just have to remember that it is real. I know it, because I was once a child.